Deadlines work for me. I like knowing that I have to hand in an article by 3pm or pick up my dry cleaning by 6. I work best under structure. My former career in PR made me an expert in scheduling, fitting five radio interviews into ten minutes of B-List talent time. I had to write press releases in under an hour, and I became used to adhering to schedules. I enjoyed the satisfaction of results and the proof that I was making progress.

I operated the same way with my love life. There was an end goal in mind—marrying my “soul mate”—and a rough timeframe, although I had to loosen it after passing my deadline several times. I had a finish line to the endless stream of dates, at least in my head. I figured lots of bad dates meant progress toward meeting a REALLY AWESOME Mr. Right. I deserved a great ending, and my new husband was totally worth it.

Of course, there is no real “finish line.” Relationships are fluid and move forward in time, just like being single. Both are filled with ups and downs, choices, and setbacks. They aren’t a destination, but a work in progress. My focus on the finish line tends to get in the way. What I forget is that the process is always most important, whether it’s writing, dating, or being married—not the finish line.

The lack of structure in writing drives me insane. I have no set deadline, except for those I impose and then change. I can rewrite a couple of pages ten times and remain unsatisfied with the results. Sometimes I get so frustrated I can barely get out of bed, and I feel like a failure. Even when I finish the book, my writing will continue to change, shift, and take new form, much like a relationship. I can learn to enjoy the process, so life isn’t just a waiting game.